Friday morning I had a semi breakdown. A panic/anxiety/stress (or something) attack. It wasn’t pretty. I don’t think I have ever felt as bad as I did yesterday morning. I couldn’t stop crying for about an hour. It physically hurt; I’ve had a bit of a virus/cold/chest infection, so it was painful to sob, but I couldn’t stop. I had to keep using my ventolin to be able to breathe. Even after I felt better, I was still crying randomly. I couldn’t stop the tears. I worried I had lost my blissful zen that I was so very much enjoying.
Life is far from perfect right now, but I have been enjoying the time. Oh the time. I’ve loved having a slower pace of life so, so much. Thursday night I found myself wrapped up in a blanket, in the dark, watching Gilmore Girls DVDs (not a show I watch often).
I now wonder if that was a sign. To be drawn to watching a comedy/drama because I needed an outlet. An excuse to cry at some dramatic storyline unrelated to my life. To just cleanse the frustrations out of me a little. But I didn’t cry.
After I had recovered, I was wondering if my zen since moving to part time work had been keeping me too relaxed to need to cry. I said to Ben, what if we end up with what we want, part time/at home work, will I be so happy most of the time that when I am sad, it will be a giant breakdown?
Then I had the idea that I probably would have a giant breakdown every six months. So I should plan for them. Book myself an apartment (on Straddie or something) for a week and let myself have a breakdown. Let myself recover from it.
Do you think not crying often makes it “build up”?
In my experience a good cry every now and then does release the pressure valve on life! Hope your weekend is brighter!
It was much brighter, thanks Stephanie 🙂
Well I don’t know about others, but my own tears definitely “build up”. At work I usually have a bit of a cry every 3-6 months (depending on stress levels) and at home every now and again. The big, body-wracking sobbing hurting cry you had is a once a year kind of deal though – perhaps you needed it to let out some of that bad stress you were holding onto? Anyways, a good cry does you good, I say – I’m sorry you hurt and couldn’t breathe though, that’s not cool!
I think I really needed to let it out. Feeling so much better since I did.
Yes it does. And Gilmore girls is the best!
Gilmore Girls is so good when you just want to zone out!
Oh no!! You poor thing! I like the idea of booking in a meltdown but think you would be better to save a week on Straddie for when you’re feeling awesome and can enjoy it lol! Hope you’re feeling better! xx
Maybe by booking in a meltdown I’ll be so relaxed I won’t have a meltdown? Feeling much better now, thanks 🙂
I’m probably not the best person to give advice because… I. Cry. All. The. Time. I never bottle it in or build it up. They are free flowing! Having said that, I’m also prone to mini meltdowns from time to time, so you’re not alone. At least you recognise it, allow yourself to just let it all out and then get on with it. Be kind to yourself!
Practise makes perfect? 🙂