I got a rejection email from a job. Nothing new, in itself. I apply for tons of jobs a week, as I describe in this post. This one made me annoyed. I spent hours writing selection criteria, an hour in a full on panel interview and I was told I was going to be phoned with regards to the outcome by last Friday.
Sitting at home today, cold, sick and generally feeling like shit from a bad nights sleep, I get an email rejection.
I mean, I spent a lot of bloody time on this shit, and you can’t even be bothered to call me like you said you would?!
But it’s deeper than that. I’ve always had contract jobs. I’m struggling to express how utterly bored I am of looking for work every 6-12 months.
How boring it is to hear the exact same lines from everyone about how ‘unique’ their job is. Honestly, as special as you think your job or industry is, take it from someone who has worked in nearly every area possible – you’re not unique!! You just think you are because you’ve never left your little corner of the world and couldn’t cope if you did.
How agencies think they’re doing you a favour by talking down to you like you’re a schoolchild. Oh the phone call I had from one yesterday – such arrogant dickheads!
I don’t know how to express how done with it I am.
Have you ever spent a decade applying for work every 6-12 months? The words fucking horrible don’t even describe it.
This isn’t saying I’m never looking for work again. It’s me trying to acknowledge that:
a) whatever I’m doing isn’t working (or isn’t working long term enough to have anything more than a passing difference on survival)
b) I wish I knew my goal in life enough to dedicate myself to it; I have always wanted to work for myself
All I want is a job where I can turn up, not be bored shitless, get paid, and go home to life where I can start to develop the things I want. Only the things I want never get developed because of how much time and stress goes into making ends meet and applying for other jobs. They sit there like daydreams I can barely capture.
Yes I’m frustrated. Sick. Tired. Cold. Angry.
But this has been how I’ve felt for such a long time.
I have no idea what the next step is. All I know is that my life is totally unsustainable the way it currently is.
I want peace. I want comfort. I want this so I can develop what I want.