Yesterday, I leaped from blog post to blog post and ended up reading some of Ruth’s mental health story. The part that stuck with me was in this blog post, where she went to a new therapist and said she didn’t want to talk about the past.
Bingo, baby.
Like I wrote about last week, this year has been exhausting for me. I was seeing my GP (who was also new to me) very regularly early this year and she was trying to convince me to get a mental health care plan and just have someone to talk to.
My problem was (and still is) that I just don’t want to talk or think about it anymore rather than me not coping as such. I want things to settle, not to rehash.
I don’t want to run through the history. I don’t want to catch up with every little thing as we try to juggle jobs, new jobs and the endless wait cycle of medical tests. I don’t want to learn coping techniques. I want shit to settle down. I want to take action (where I can) to make things settle down. I want things like a stable income so I can do what I did earlier in the year and take a night away on my own – regularly.
I know logically that a psychologist could probably help. I also know from so much personal experience in recent years that not all medical professionals are worth seeing and I am at my capacity of dealing with bad people in the profession.
But here’s what I do know. You can define your self care in whatever way you need. Maybe that’s practicing doing only thing at a time. Maybe it’s going offline. Maybe it’s being around more people than you normally would. Maybe it’s getting exciting because a book you ordered has shown up and you can throw yourself into reading it.
When you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to talk.
It’s amazing that we have mental health care plans in Australia. I know that 10 sessions is not enough for a lot of people – I’ve heard this from friends time and time again. And I can go to my GP any time and ask for her to do up a mental health care plan and see a psychologist any time I want. That’s great. But I also don’t have to. Which is equally great.
From what I’ve read recently Vanessa I think you need a break of sorts and time to gather your thoughts and a plan to get the stability you need. How frustrating and exhausted you must be from the medical issues and different jobs you’ve had to manage with. I have no advice and if you don’t want to talk don’t, but if you’re not getting anywhere maybe you need to when you’re ready. X
We are incredibly lucky that we have the health care system that we do. Take care of yourself Xx
I think as long as what you are doing is working for you then that is great.
It is awesome that we can get mental health care plans. I use them for my son for his autism (hard to think of mental health for just turned 3 years old). I used to find that it was very hard work to come out of a normal day and talk about really traumatic stuff, so that counselling was stressful in and of itself.
Good luck with it all, and stay well.
Big hugs to you Vanessa; sounds like you need them. I get it; especially when it comes to new mental health professionals, and having to go over EVERYTHING again … and again … and again. But at the same time I must confess I *love* to talk …
Visiting from #team IBOT x
I can understand not wanting to talk anymore and wanting to see action. It must be so frustrating for you to feel like you are in limbo with everything that is going on. You are right, we are lucky that the opportunity to see a mental health professional is available to us. It’s something that I try to remind myself about when I complain about our health system.