Why Wasn’t That Hard?
A few years ago now, I stopped talking to some friends. Actually, I went through a period where I cut a lot of people out of my life. Friends, friends of friends. I stopped replying to emails. I didn’t respond to text messages. I deleted people from Facebook.
And it was easy.
I never really gave it much thought, because it worked well for me. But one day it occurred to me: why wasn’t that hard?
Am I a completely anti social person who doesn’t need other humans around?
Eh, well, possibly – never say never, right? But no, I don’t think that’s it.
Do I just not care about people?
Well, in the “I don’t necessarily want you to die” sense, I care about all people.
So, why wasn’t that hard?
Because it was long overdue.
I felt drained around the people. I didn’t have anything in common with them anymore. I wondered if I had ever really had anything in common with them.
It felt like it should have been hard. But it wasn’t. Because we hold onto things sometimes that no longer serve us. It was sad, but not inappropriate or hard. Sad and hard are things I think we all tend to lump together in one – where actually they are very distinct.
What have you done that wasn’t as hard as you thought it might be?
15 Replies to “Why Wasn’t That Hard?”
When I finally left my ex and I couldn’t believe how easy it was and kicked myself for being in idiot for thinking it was to hard when it wasn’t.
Hindsight also makes things look easier – I probably should have said that in the post.
Timing has a lot to do with things like you said. You were ready for that transition. 🙂
I think it’s all in the timing and your mindset. I need to do something similar with extended family.
I think the combination of timing and mindset was good – at that point I just didn’t feel like I was losing anything.
Every day I’ve been thinking about cleansing my Facebook. Not because I don’t like the people, they’re just not in my sphere anymore. We’re either not like-minded, or don’t share the same values, or I just don’t know them well enough to wish them happy birthday when the reminder comes up. I haven’t done it yet. I think because I still find it hard to cut people loose. Or I’m afraid I’ll hurt their feelings. Hmmm. I am sure that when the time is right I’ll do it. When it all starts to feel too heavy …
Well, it’s Facebook, so people might not even know you unfriended them! Damn those algorithms 🙂
To be honest I think I have to do the same thing Ness – and maybe it won’t be as hard as I’ve built it up to be?
I don’t think it is hard if you’re not doing it maliciously! Which I’m sure you aren’t. You’re allowed to focus on the people who suit you.
Friendships are hard aren’t they! I have a couple that lately I have been wondering, if they are really friends (you know, with friends like these, who needs enemies) …
Good sign that something might need to happen then!
Probably my biggest thing was letting go of friendships that were sucking my energy. I was sad at times about it but it was much easier to let them go than to continue putting in the one-sided effort.
It really is sad but also a weight is lifted when you’re not stuck with that energy drain.
Letting go of friendships that are one sided. I put in the effort in to maintain the friendship but they dont. Time to move on.