As I sit down to write this weeks prompt for I Must Confess, I kind of must confess that I can only think of negative things to write about. And that sucks.
What I Wish I Really Said
I guess we all have the moments where we wished we had thought of the perfect thing to say in an argument, or to someone who has wronged you in some way. But I don’t want to rehash stuff, because I don’t believe in regrets. Sure, you might feel silly or awkward or wish you had been smooth, suave and snapped back the perfect reply…but I think being stuck in the rehashing mindset means you haven’t learned from it yet.
Somebody screwed you over? Don’t waste time thinking of the perfect reply. Think of how the situation got that way. We can’t control what others do and we can’t avoid every shitty situation in life, but what we can do is learn from it. Learn to trust your gut when it screams that someone is an asshole. Work out backup plans and how to extricate yourself from a situation easily and/or before it gets bad. You don’t have to grin and bear everything.
None of that is to say that a bit of a rant/whinge/daydream over having the perfect comeback is bad, I think it’s almost like a grieving process, but just don’t stay there.
Of course, this is all often easier said than done! I totally acknowledge that. But it’s something I’ve developed by accident over time. And I find it helps me to go beyond dream comebacks and on to avoiding it happening at all.
Do you spend ages thinking of snappy comebacks? Do you find it helps?
yeah, the “don’t stay there” bit is the important part, and probably the hardest part.
It absolutely is the hardest part!!
I agree that we need to move on and not dwell on things that have already happened. I try to do this, but some things just get under my skin and have me feeling annoyed for too long. Wish I could shake that habit!
I try not to dwell but I still have the rear view mirror visible at times…You are doing well in my book!
If only there was a delete button. Where we could remove the hurtful stuff and move on quickly. Could do with one of those this week.
My regret is probably more about the things I *don’t* say, I am a bit of a conflict avoider and often bite my tongue to keep the peace …
I really like your viewpoint on this Vanessa – it makes more sense to analyse the situation and work on improving it for next time rather than dwelling on what you should have said. Wise words.
Such a great post! I spend ages sometimes perfecting my comebacks and grinding on things after they’ve happened. It’s a waste of energy.
I’m a stewer and no it doesn’t help. I really like your idea of focusing on how we can change the situation if we find ourselves there again.