You’d think this is sponsored, but no. Why Kmart? Well, I don’t really like being at the shops at any time, but especially not leading up to Christmas. Kmart (and Woolies and Coles) are the only shops I can easily access any evening in the week when it’s likely to be quiet and happily lacking in people. Yay for 9pm close times!
An Extremely Lazy Kmart Last Minute Gift Guide
So lets get started!! I didn’t want to use photos from the Kmart website so I’ve used my amazing skillz as an arteest to represent the products.
For: A gift for all
You could get a green floor cushion for $10. Because nothing says “welcome to my home” than a “sit the fuck on the floor, we have no space for you”:
A not-really-that-customisable-but-decently-sarcastic lightbox for $19.
A lightbulb to brighten everyone’s day for $2.50.
A metal chair for $15. Not to be used for making unwanted guests sit outside during summer storms.
An insulated jug for $15. Not for water, but for use in place of wine or champagne glasses on the Christmas table. This helps protect against family members who like to yell opinions at you. Note: may not help with either your health, ability to resist vomiting or your ability to not reply to family members.
A steam iron for $29. (You’d think I’m being deliberately obnoxious here about gender stereotyped gifts, but literally in my household I’ve never used an iron and my husband used to use one all the time.
Rotating sparkly balls for $25. I cannot make a clean joke here.
A not-polariod-polaroid in pink for $88. To take photos with.
A 14 foot trampoline for $249. Because I want a freaking trampoline.
An inflatable unicorn for $25. Because I’ve seen enough movies to know that popping the back of a raft makes it go faster.
A not-polaroid-polaroid in blue for $88. Because I’m not fucking with gender stereotypes.
For: Who Cares?
A two piece luggage set for $89. For when you want to buy American Tourister cases because pretty, but can’t afford them.
A cheese board for $12 for wimps who don’t put much cheese on their cheeseboards.
A neck massager for $25. For prostitute robots from the future (let me know if you get that joke).
You can buy them a woven ice cream cone for $9 so that they never forget to stop asking you for ice cream every 30 seconds this whole summer.
A folding laundry trolley for $25. Because it’s both useful, and if you buy two, you can race them against your kids. Or someone’s kids.
And remember, I have FREE sarcastic gift tags for you to download and use!
Ok, I pretty much should have just titled this “ways you can mis-use laundry equipment”.
What is your tactic for avoiding people pre-Christmas? Do you have a shop you can go to on weekday evenings when it’s quieter?