I was tagged to answer these 16 questions because apparently my sarcastic answers would be entertaining. Bloody hell, no pressure. Sheesh. Talk about Christmas stress.

 

16 Sarcastic Answers About Christmas

 

 

What’s your favourite Christmas movie?

Serenity. There’s something about forcibly calming people that just reminds me of Christmas.

 

Have you ever had a White Christmas?

There was that one time when the roof caved in and the plaster fell on my head and we all did a joy-filled dance knowing the asbestos gods had rewarded us for our devil worship. Or maybe that was a dream I had… 

 

Where do you usually spend your holiday?

On a couch, not moving. Because humidity glued me to the couch (literally true when we used to have a leather couch) and I couldn’t move unless I levitated the air conditioning remote control over to me to cool the air and …uh… melt? the glue? What’s the opposite of melting glue? Freezing glue? That also doesn’t sound like it would release me. Someone science up an accurate answer and put it in the comments for me. Or we could go with an answer that is relevant to Australia’s investment in science and just go with magic.

 

What’s your favourite Christmas song?

MmmBop.

 

Do you open any presents on Christmas Eve?

That is a big assumption. Who said I’d been nice this year?

 

Can you name all of Santa’s Reindeers?

Vixen, Rudolph, Dancer, Prancer, Mincemeat, Taco, Nacho. 

 

What holiday traditions are you looking forward to this year?

Slaying. 

 

Is your Christmas Tree real or fake?

Digital.

 

 

Christmas tree is up. And the base of it is melting. Which is actually pretty appropriate for an Aussie Xmas so I’m leaving it as is.

A post shared by Vanessa Smith (@normal_ness) on Dec 11, 2017 at 1:22am PST

 

What’s your favourite holiday treat/food/sweet?

Balls. (Rum optional.) 

 

Be honest, do you prefer the giving or receiving of gifts?

If I liked the gift, receiving. If it was a shit gift, giving. As in regifting. Because I will, 100% shame free. (It’s only stuff people, chill with the judging on regifting.)

 

What’s the best Christmas present you ever received?

Gravity. Or gravy. I guess gravity helps gravy stay in the gray gravy boat on the high seas.

 

What’s your dream place to visit for the holiday season?

A cage of llamas.

 

Are you a pro present wrapper or do you fail miserably?

Genuine tip: gift bags. Screw wrapping and judgmental people with perfect corners. Since when are our presents in the military?! Gift wrapping and making the bed are equally pointless shoulds in life. And we all know I hate shoulds, right?

 

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Most memorable Christmas memory?

Not sure. I do remember a Christmas Eve when I had a raging fever and walking two streets home at midnight when the temperature was around freezing and all I had was a light denim jacket on over a thin shirt. It was the bone-deepest cold I’ve ever felt. (I’ve felt arctic wind chills on Canadian coastlines and it’s wasn’t the same type of cold.) WHY I remember that is beyond me. But it does probably explains why I don’t remember the next day.

 

What made you realise the truth about Santa?

When the bastard NEVER BOUGHT ME A FUCKING SUPER SOAKER WATER GUN LIKE I ASKED FOR SO MANY DAMN YEARS IN SHOPPING CENTRES. I still don’t have one… I need to start crowdfunding to remedy this national shame.

 

What makes the holidays special for you?

Burning to death, followed by melting to death. And ham.

 

I’m far too lazy to tag people but feel free to do you own post on this (sarcastic or not) if you wish! 

 

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