I was sick and on antibiotics for a throat infection last month. Then I got sick again after ProBlogger, and have been sick ever since.
I’m on my third straight course of antibiotics now. Blood tests came back fine, just showing that I have an unspecified virus (as well as the throat infection/tonsillitis). Basically I’m healthy but a little bit run down.
I feel like I’ve been that way for ages. And medically I’m clearly fine. I’m just tired by life.
My GP is infuriating me. He never wants to put a name to anything. I’m getting better results from the late night clinic at the moment. Sadly they’re a bad doctor to go regularly as their staff change so often. I feel trapped with :better the devil you know” with my current GP. He didn’t even bother to looking my throat today when I told him the doctor on Monday night saw I was still infected and prescribed me the newest antibiotics. Isn’t that a bit slack?
I’m frustrated with how my contract ended last week (fired “not because I was sick”, they spent an awful lot of time emphasising that). I’m grateful at the little bit of work a previous (now current again) employer has given me. I wish they had something permanent for me, I like the people and place. I like being trusted to do my job.
We had a phone call this morning and the owner of our rental is sending a valuer in tomorrow. Sigh. We’ve had a really good run in this house. It’s old, sure, but it’s pretty cheap, in decent condition (especially compared to other houses in this price range) and has heating/aircon.
I find real estate agents annoying to deal with. We are good tenants who pay the rent a week early every fortnight. We’ve been with our real estate across two houses for about 7 years now. We actively monitor the house and report to them anything that starts going wrong, figuring if it was our house then we’d want to know to fix it up before it becomes more expensive/causes other problems.
Apparently even that’s not good; at our most recent inspection a week or two ago Ben passed on a small list of minor things for them to know about. The agent from our real estate said something to the effect of “Oh no, I’ll get in trouble if I bring back any more problems from this house”. Thanks. So fucking sorry that being a conscientious person is a hassle for you. Would it make you feel better if I punched some holes in the wall so that you could just go back to thinking all tenants are horrible, feral people?
The constant interruption from inspections. We had a horrible time years ago when another rental we lived in was being sold. As we have a dog (and for a few other reasons), we don’t allow real estate agents into the house unless one of us is home.
And wow last time that did not go well. They would call and complain to me all the time, show up unannounced; one time I was in the shower, having just gotten home from swimming. One day I lost it at them and told them to go away and fill in their forms as they are legally required to otherwise there would be no inspections ever and good luck selling the house then. In front of his clients, I explained to him the legal requirements of his job when there are tenants in the house. He didn’t make the sale. He was then also too scared to call me ever again and only called Ben.
None of those are even my worst stories with real estate agents.
Look; I know not all real estate agents are bad. But as a profession, my experiences with them have been more negative than positive.
And allows dogs. Oh god, even the thought of looking for a rental that allows dogs makes me feel exhausted. People hear that we have a Husky x Border Collie and freak the fuck out. You know what my dog does most of the day? Sleeps. Pretty much the only people she barks at are religious doorknockers (seriously, it’s kind of creepy how she knows). My dog also has seizures and type 1 diabetes. Overall, she isn’t anything like her breed sounds.
I wondered if I should blog about this, because I know some people’s first reaction is to remind me that not all change is bad or scary. But here’s the thing: I’m not scared of change. My life is always in a state of change. I’m fucking sick of change. I want some peace and routine for a while. I want to catch up on finances and health. I’m not a routine person overall in life. I know that. But I need to catch a break. I want to relax. I want to feel some semblance of security.
I never know who to talk to. I don’t believe I have depression, otherwise I would seek help. I think I just have a lot of stressful factors in my life. And that has become normal. But then I list the things I have to consider in my life and I don’t know anyone else that has a combination of stuff like that. Is it wrong to normalise what you have to deal with in life? Does that increase or decrease stress?
Some of m experiences lately have lead me to think about first impressions. And you know what? You can’t control first impressions. Don’t worry about what others think of you. Very rarely will anyone change their mind. And yes, it sucks when someone has the wrong impression of you. It can cost you things. (Jobs.) Let them become a distant memory. They’re not worth a second thought. Not in a mean way, just in a priory way.
The most frustrating thing to me right now is how much energy I have to put into day jobs and life. I want to be focusing on other things, like writing, my eBook and other plans. All things that will take me towards places I want to be. But life keeps pulling me back in and making me focus on things that are happening now, instead of allowing me to set myself up for a future that is different. I’m frustrated that I don’t have the energy to do what I want. I’m frustrated that I have to be the sole income earner, which slows down my goals.
You know what part of this is the depressing part? This isn’t even everything that’s going on.