I can’t tell if I “should” be OK or if I “should” be struggling this year. At what point do you have to stop the “giving yourself permission to not be ok” because of changes?
I started a new job in Jan, struggled severely with my health in Feb & March, quit my job in April, started a new job two weeks later (still in April).
I started a second job in May, worked stupid hours for a few weeks, am currently full time at the “second” job because of unexpected staff changes, and I’m hanging out to cut down my long commuting and go back to the more local job.
Is that “too much”? What is too much?
It’s halfway through June as I feel as unsettled as I did at the start of the year with a new job. Because of changes. Constant changes.
I am so fucking sick of changes. I am so tired. I am tired of commuting. I am tired of not having a stable income.
I am tired of new opportunities – as crazy as that sounds. My goal for this year was a quiet, stable year. It has been anything but. And I am plain tired out.
I am tired of Ben’s doctors putting off diagnosing him. Of public waiting lists. When you’re undiagnosed you don’t get recognised for assistance, as a carer, for anything. You’re “normal”, only you’re not, because everyone acknowledges there is something wrong, but no one can tell you what.
I’m tired of responsibility. I’m tired of being an adult.
I’m just tired.
At what point is change my normal, and therefore I should be ok with it?
At what point can I take a few months off, sleep and be entirely fucking selfish and work only on what I want to work on, and travel and get back to enjoying life rather than dealing with changes?
Subscribe to the NormalNess Newsletter here.