What is the scariest thing to do? Trust yourself?
For as long as I have remembered, I have wanted to work for myself. And yet, here I am again, a contract is up & applying for some boring jobs that will pay the bills & keep me entirely unfulfilled.
Can I be frank?
I miss being an expert. Last year I had a contract that was fun, challenging, annoying, busy, and pretty much every other emotion possible.
But no matter what was going wrong I was trusted, no, expected, to be able to fix it and keep things on schedule. My advice was never doubted. Complained at, sure! My job was in an area of compliance, so a lot of the time that meant telling people that they couldn’t do their job when they wanted to. Through all of this, I never had my expertise questioned.
And it’s only in hindsight that I realise how much I liked that. Not so much from an ego point of view, but from a respect point of view. They didn’t like what I told them, but they knew if I was saying it, then it was true and that’s the way things had to go.
It’s a type of validation I hadn’t had in a few years and a type of validation that I’ve realised really boosts how I feel.
Where does this leave me? I have to trust me to be my own expert. And I have no experience in doing that. You’ll notice I have two pages on my blog, freelancing and blog coaching. I know that I know enough to cover what I would be getting paid for. I’ve been getting some day job interviews that have really shown me that in fact, I do know what I’m talking about when it comes to blogging and social media. I just have to trust myself to be my own expert. To validate myself. I’ve certainly helped people ad-hoc for free for a while now and know I’m of value there.
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For what it’s worth, I would never take on a client if I didn’t think I could help them. So it feels like, technically speaking, I shouldn’t have an issue investing in myself.
Is this what fear is? Is it stepping off into the great unknown of trusting yourself on such a big level? Is it just that first, scary step? Maybe I just need to keep saying that I’m a freelancer so that it gets less scary with time. It’s not like I’ve never done anything working for myself, it has just been irregular.
Are you a freelancer or do you work for yourself in some way, shape or form? How did you feel when you first started trusting yourself or calling yourself a freelancer?