I made the tough decision today to take a break from my other blog, Bloggers and Bacon. I still love the blog and the name, but it had started feeling like a chore to write for it. I’m worried I won’t go back to it. I want to go back to it. But right now, I’m struggling with the focus, or energy, or …I don’t know what. Basically I feel like the blog posts are not even getting so much as a half-assed effort. I’m keeping all the products for sale, I’ll still refer people to the blog posts I’ve written that may help them, and I still have podcast ideas floating in my head for it. My lack of enthusiasm for blogging about blogging right now doesn’t mean I think I’ve done a crap job in the past. It just means I feel like it’s currently unsustainable.
I still love my #ArchiveLove link up, and want to keep running it. So I’m going to be hosting it here on NormalNess from now on. I still love seeing people’s old posts and finding some great gems.
Lately I’ve been feeling like my social media feeds aren’t showing me what I want. Now, that’s not social media’s fault, it’s that I need to review some types of accounts that I follow. I don’t believe in blaming others for what I see on social media, as I am the one with the power to follow, unfollow, like, friend, block, mute, unmute and everything else.
The other main reason that I’m putting Bloggers and Bacon on hiatus for now is that I want to work on a bigger project than a blog. I’ve got a massive chunk of a book written and I think that book needs to happen. I miss deep work. You can sign up here to be on the mailing list for that book.
I’ve felt this way for a while now but I never reached a trigger point. One of them was this image shared on Instagram today by my blogging buddy:
That’s kind of where I’m at. I feel like there’s too much false positivity where I am in the internet right now. I’m not stopping blogging on this blog. I hope you join me every Friday for the #ArchiveLove link up. I’ll be here at least weekly for that.
The other reason for kind-of-hiatusing is that I’m tired. I feel like I’ve been sick or injured or infected all of 2017 so far. At the start of the year I injured my shoulder and couldn’t function well. I had a massively painful and fevery bladder/kidney infection. Then my body decided to not poop for 10 days and nothing the doctors told me to do helped, until I got a prescription medication that sorted me out straight away. Then, overnight, I went from “hmm, my throat is a bit sore” to “HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS IT HURTS TO SWALLOW FUCKING WATER.” My best friend, tonsillitis, came to visit with two weeks of “empty stomach” antibiotics. I started to struggle to breathe at middle-end of that infection, so I’m now carrying puffers everywhere with me. I had a 7 day period in which, between Ben & I, we had 5 hospital appointments, GP appointments and medical tests. I can’t remember how many times Ben has been in the emergency department this year already. Or how many times I’ve had to grab medical equipment at home and help him take readings so we can decide if he’s bad enough to go to emergency or if it will pass.
I’ve spent the past few weeks with bad sinus pain and last Wednesday I was too dizzy to get out of bed, let alone go to work (I’m off to the doctor this afternoon to talk about that pain, because it is not improving). The ex-cyclone knocked down part of a tree across our driveway so we couldn’t get out on Friday and people with the faux mateship pole up their ass kept “helping” aka telling us we clearly weren’t used to chopping down trees and interrupted our break and started dragging things around our yard. (Some people were nice in the way they offered, but a few were just wankers who wanted to feel faux good about themselves.)
Oh yeah, and throughout all of this I have a full time job to go to. I am out of nearly every kind of leave, just trying to manage my fucking life. I am tired. I want long service leave from life. I want more money so we don’t keep having to scrape the bottom of the barrel for private specialist appointments. I’m scared of having surgery. I don’t know how I will get home from surgery unless I can afford to pay for Ben to get driving lessons. Which I can’t afford because we need to pay for medical specialists.
I’m still trying to write, just anything, in my special journal. This morning I was talking about the “fill your cup” type of philosophy that you see online. In principle, I agree. But I can’t manage it. I’m annoyed some days that I have to spend my energy on going to work. I want to know what a hobby is. I want the ability to read a book. But nope, I don’t know how to get the balance to take care of me first. I take care of things to make my week a lot smoother (eg cooking lunches for work) first. Then work happens and commuting happens and that’s all the energy I have. Where is the energy for me? A weekend is not long enough to recharge me.
It always feels better to write this stuff out. But I’m sure you can see why I need a break from my other blog. I just don’t have the space for it in my life right now. It’s sad, but that’s life.