The tagline for this blog is “because we’re all normal to ourselves”.
My normal deviates wildly from everyone else’s. It will probably never return to what others consider normal. Most of the time, I can deal with it.
But what I cannot stand, and what boils me into a pit of frustration, is when others SAY they understand and then their ACTIONS show they were lying.
You do not have to understand my health and limitations. At all. But you do HAVE TO respect them. Respect my new normal.
Don’t go planning for my molehill to become a mountain because I will abandon you. I don’t care that you think it’s still a molehill because you don’t understand. You have to respect me when I say that you made it a mountain.
While this may seem somewhat vague, right now I’m angry at a particular situation. There’s no point explaining this weeks disrespect of my limitations as it’s far from the only one and it’s systemic problem.
It’s a lot like what I wrote about rehabilitation being bullshit. The pre-determined norm is not an option for me anymore. Pressuring me in any way to fake it for appearances is literally damaging for me. People seem to take it personally when you can no longer fake fully abled for them. Some weeks it feels like everything about my life is people telling me I don’t measure up to some standard that has no meaning. Return to normal just means don’t make people think about what went wrong and that it could happen to them. I’m not interested in you. I can’t help anyone else. My life has to be advocating for me now. That’s all I can do.
I am tired. I have little energy. Long covid destroyed my life and I hate the way the planet is bullying us to live through this “event”. FYI – it’s still going on, even if your head is up your ass about it. I wish I could do things I use to enjoy. But I can’t. I wish the planet wasn’t so cruel to people like me. I hate it here. And I feel like I have to caveat that and say no I am not suicidal because that’s what everyone thinks thanks to “awareness”. FFS it’s like you can’t express displeasure anymore. I am staying here. I just wish the planet didn’t have such fucking poor standards that the default is to blame individual people rather than fix broken systems. I have no idea if this post even makes sense but I am tired and angry and this is what you get in that state with my capabilities right now.
