I’m having a very frustrating day today, and I think what makes it frustrating is the layers. It’s the layers of expecting to have to deal with shitty humans on top of your shitty body. Why? Can we not catch a break? Everyone wants to celebrate the resilience of people with a disability, but no one actually wants to make their lives easier so they don’t have to be so damn resilient all the time. It is exhausting having to be so resilient. I don’t want to be.
I resent being resilient, okay?
Resilience is framed as this positive thing and I’m not actually sure it is because too much of resilience to me seems to be, “Oh, good. They’re not talking about the thing that might mean I have to do a better job”.
All of my experiences of resilience, I think they’re all negative. I’m not actually sure what what experiences I’ve had in my life of resilience that count as positive. I really don’t know. And, look, I’m sure there might be, and I’m having a very bad day as I’m writing this. So perhaps it just feels that way because it’s a bad day, and a bad day is not a bad life as people like to say. But you know what?
A lot of people could do a lot better and reduce the amount of bad days people have. You know? And a fully able and well person has a bad bad day, and people are going, oh, yeah. That’s really rough.
Well, most of our days are like an abled person’s bad day, and we’re expected to think of them as good days. Then when we have extra stuff put on top, it’s just like, oh, why are you complaining? You like, there’s just this attitude that we are so used to shit that we must like it or we must have to put up with it.
And guess what? I don’t like it. I don’t wanna put up with it. I don’t wanna be resilient.
I want other people to do better so I don’t have to have the consequences of their terrible actions.
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