Empty

I think empty is probably how you could describe December for me. Not only because it’s the 26th and this is only my 5th blog post for the month. I covered a bit about how I’m feeling a few weeks ago here. It’s kind of the same, and kind of not. That’s a bad description and a lousy opener for a blog post, but that’s also my brain right now.

 

I’m struggling to find a new balance in life. I know that I need to accept where I am and have been, in this state of limbo for about 6 weeks, but that’s easier said than done. Of course that’s the logical thing to do, but how do you, you know, actually do it? People are really vague on that kind of shit.

 

Earlier this year, I wrote an article for Kiki & Tea. In it I described some of the things I did every single day, all year long, to try and get out of under-employment. (Side note: I’m calling it. Under-employment is more stressful than unemployment.) Even now, I’m getting twitchy fingers, thinking that it has been a few weeks since I’ve looked for jobs, and my fingers start to type seek before I make myself stop.

 

It is really, really hard to break habits that you’ve had to stick strictly to all year, just to scrape by.

 

I actually think it will take me a long time to de-stress properly. I’m hoping a new year and new routine with the new job will give me a default structure to snap me out of other habits more effectively. Then I can work on other parts of my life. I mean, in the past two days I’ve napped during the day. I don’t nap during the day unless I’m sick. Is de-stressing kind of like being sick?

 

I guess it’s all just a work in progress.

 

Having said all of that, I feel like 2015 holds a great deal for me and I’m excited about new possibilities opening up. I have many plans.