I don’t know if I believe in choosing your word for the year in January. It’s so hard to know what is practical & what will happen & if it will even have any meaning in a month or two.
But maybe this is why I shouldn’t think when I’m tired. For weeks I’ve been waking up at 5am from sun & birds and I’m plain cranky at it now. I just want to sleep in. Please! I’m on holiday. Even “sleeping in” to my work day wake up time of 6am would be great!
Then I think about work. And life. And this weird transition I’m in.
Maybe I’ve had so many reactionary survival years that I don’t get the idea that life is stable enough to choose a guiding word as purpose.
And why the fuck do people sit at the bloody beach with their car running?! Sorry. I’m typing this at the beach on my phone over the break and my lack of sleep is making me stabby.
Anyway, maybe choosing a word for the year is a level of privilege that not all have. Sometimes a guiding principle is not useful if it is so different to the track your life takes? Right now (and again, full disclosure when I’m tired I pretty much hate everything) it feels like people who tell me my sinus issues can be solved with essential oils. No. I need surgery, actually. Sure some days eucalyptus in the steam of a shower can help. But that’s also with me taking between one and three types of antihistamines the same day.
And now to backflip. The real reason I started writing this is because I think my word is purpose. Perhaps what needs to come out of my transition is defining my purpose.
But I also don’t want a word right now because then I’ll overthink it and I just don’t think that would help me find my purpose. Only time can.
The more I reflect on last years word, reclaim, the more I think I did do it. But not in the way it might be obvious. Through the ups and downs of 2016, of work, uni & health, I feel like I represented myself more. I did start to re-find my voice & wipe away the generic face I had put on for a few years while in the depths of coping.
These were often in small ways. But sometimes I think small is more important than big. Small is the building blocks. The consistency.
There is no real conclusion to this post… just thoughts.
The above part is what I wrote on my holiday. And then I came across this post which linked to this Facebook status. And it resonated with me. I don’t like the SMART goals. But the idea of themes or intentions align much better with me, especially knowing I am a qualitative person. We can’t predict the variables that equal ‘results’ in systems like SMART goal setting. But we can do our best to create and help and grow that way. I’m going to think about it and see what words come to me.