Things That Retail Made Weird In 2017

I have a love hate relationship with retail. I don’t like stores and crowds, but I love the utter crap they try to sell you as critically needed. Or how to use it. Or when to use it. FFS marketing, most of us have a brain cell and can choose for ourselves. Anyway, the upside to this stuff that bugs me is SO MUCH material I can mock. Which is what I do on Instagram often. So I’ve curated (bahahaa, copied and pasted) the best of for 2017 into one handy blog post for your enjoyment.

 

Things That Retail Made Weird In 2017

 

 

 

Really IKEA? Fun? I think you have a bad sense of fun.

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Anywhere??! Cool, new thing to do on my commute.

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Isn’t it thriftier to not spend $25 on a flipping piggy bank?!

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Glue is both not a chemical and an inexpensive chemical. SCHRODINGERS ANT TRAP!

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I kind of want these. It’s slightly sadistic that you’d end up rubbing part of Santa’s head away 😂

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Also good for an emergency trach ..

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Bloody hipster barrel seats. #uncomfortable

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It’s almost as if we don’t need medicine…

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Do the glow in the dark hands make it L-O-U-D-E-R?

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IKEA has the strangest stuff.

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How on earth is this “out of sight”? I think I’d rather just see the toilet rolls, frankly.

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Apparently for Mother’s Day, you need something that vibrates.

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One drop probably caused it too.

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A whizz mat just makes me think of something else…

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WHERE ARE YOU PULLING IT FROM?!

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Why?!

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The sun & glow in the dark fake rocks are NOT FUCKING MAGIC. FFS.

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Wicker Pig!

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Limited edition dishwashing liquid? Commercialism is officially nucking futs.

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Challenge accepted. Someone get Mythbusters on the air & lend us come C4

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I’m sure murderers are terrified by solar gutter lights.

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God knows, when my eggs don’t look perfect, I sit down and cry instead of eating them.

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I wonder if they do song & dance routines?

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Oh well if it has a bonus TEA LIGHT CANDLE then I’m sold.

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Ex-hair roll on just makes me picture degunking a shower drain and glueing it to yourself with Clag.

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Wouldn’t it promote more wealth if you didn’t spend $15 on it?

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Even our bloody water bottles need to hustle? Fuck that… #antihustle

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Note: middle of freeway not recommended

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I’ve always wanted a vomiting sparrow with devil eyes.

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I wonder what the non-great lengths are?

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These milky ways look weird.

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Screw you country people, only urban people can use this.

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So now we have to control the weather too?

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I imagine it would hurt if you swallowed a container this large.

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Occasional = too uncomfortable to sit in all the time?

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Make sure you don’t wear this if it’s cloudy, rainy or snowing

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What does it track with difficulty?

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Does that mean you can’t play it as it’s only decorative? @kmartaus

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I want a special occasions spatula now…

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New type of massage!

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What’s weirdest or funniest thing you’ve seen in retail recently?

 

3 Replies to “Things That Retail Made Weird In 2017”

  1. I remember giggling through some of these on your instagram posts. Yep, seriously weird.

  2. I loved these on your Instagram this year! Can’t wait to see what 2018 brings in the retail stakes.
    In the meantime, I need to source that burger caddy and that bird lemon squeezer…

    SSG xxx

  3. Soooo many things we never knew we would ‘need’ and soooo many people buy them. I do know you LOVE these catalogue items & we get a giggle as well. Thank you for linking up for #LifeThisWeek 47/52. Next Week: Today I will. Final Week for 2017: Christmas Plans.

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