Things You Shouldn’t Have In Your Home After You Turn 30

We all know that turning 30 means you’re an adult. None of this bullshit adult at 18 or 21 stuff, 30 is where the real adulting begins.


Before I get into things that you’re a freaking disaster for if you own them after 30, let me remind you why 30 is so important: it’s because if you’re on the only real path to a happy life, you should have two or more incomes, a few children, and basically be earning enough money (or stupid enough to own too many credit cards) to give retailers the biggest boner you’re ever seen, merely by thinking about how much pointless crap they could sell you.


Which brings me to, the list of things you shouldn’t have in your home after you turn 30:

  • Anything with colour. Black and white are the only options. It slims your kitchen so therefore makes your food healthier.
  • Anything with plastic. What are you, some freak who delights in destroying the environment?
  • Lemon juice in a bottle. You’re old enough to squeeze it fresh every time you need to rub it into a cut


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