I took my first “real” time off work this year in July. A whole week without the day job. Of course I am casual, so that’s also a whole week without pay, which means digging into what savings I have… but the only time off I took this year was two days between leaving my former job and starting at my current one. Needed a break, have to wear the cost of it. It was really nice to just wake up whenever I wanted and roll slowly into the day. Had a bath if I felt like it. Made food if I felt like it.
I read a really good tweet:
The most important lesson I’ve learned in the last year: Burnout isn’t just the result of too much work. It’s the TYPE of work. And, more specifically, your emotional connection to it. Burnout comes from feeling like no matter how much you do, it will never be enough.
I feel like that is why I’m struggling this year. I need an easy wfh job because of fatigue/high risk but I have zero challenge or connection to the job. I doubt my capacity to do “real” work right now. And yet I’m still (SO SLOWLY) setting up NormalSystems (goal being: higher paid consulting type work so I can work less hours and maintain my income without a day job eventually). I don’t know. Maybe it’s not connection for me, it’s performativeness that tires me out? Whatever it might actually be, the tweet was a good thought trigger.
My Fictional Life With Kids:
Need to post and back date exist blog posts. Also need to find the suggestions I was given and make them into blog posts.
Totally Normal Dollhouse:
Threw the two big dollhouses out. I have no spoons and they were giant reminders of my inability to do anything. Have kept the bits and small kits and will see where I go with it.
This month I was:
How to be perfect by Michael Schur. If you enjoyed The Good Place, you’ll enjoy this book. Also audio-booking Warcross. Still struggle with audiobooks as I tend to listen to them at night alone in bed so I fall asleep then don’t know where I’m up to…even with a book I’ve read before, it’s a bit disruptive and not in the “good” IT disruptive way.
Did a full campaign replay of Alien Isolation on my week of leave.
Ben has been watching ALL OF The Walking Dead and I have been seeing bits and making comments like “There are zombies to kill, why are they shooting other humans!?” (I mean, realistic that there’s inter-human wars in a zombie apocalypse but also a bit depressing.) And really, really helpful comments like “How the fuck do they still have working cars?”
Sparks. I can’t say I’ve created much but my sparks are back. Now I need energy to turn sparks into things. And, in recent days, some new videos with my new camera.
I was so tempted to do Camp NaNo but I knew I did not have the capacity so I wisely didn’t do it. That’s probably not a win to some but I say boundaries and working with your energy is a win.