I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. I know the reasons behind it and it’s mostly a confluence of some shitty timing on multiple fronts. Not that knowing “why” really helps me. Anyway.
I came across a Facebook memory from this-ish time last year where I worked out I hadn’t had any leave in 2022, only the two days off I took between jobs. And while last year/my former job I was casual, it was the first time I had been paid enough that it actually felt like genuine compensation for the casual nature of the work.
This time last year, I was planning to take an unpaid week off. This year… I can’t. Yet. I am on a part time, fixed term contract. So while I do accrue leave, it’s at a part time rate and not yet enough for a week off. And I don’t know if a week off is enough right now.
Because I need respite first. I want to pull myself out of the state of stress and newness that 2023 has been. In 2022 I felt like I was having slow improvements. Slow being key, but I felt improvements over time. 2023 has been harsh AF and I feel like I’ve lost a lot of capacity compared to 2022. I have a hope (fantasy?) in my head that if I was able to get some respite time, I have some gains (regains?) of functioning. I hope it’s a hope and not a fantasy. Some evidence exists that radical rest post-acute covid infection reduces long covid risk but I’m not sure if radical rest works the same when you’re 18 months into long covid symptoms.
But why respite? Because even if my leave balances were unlimited and I could take a months paid leave tomorrow, it wouldn’t be recreation leave. It would be respite. It would be radical rest. I can’t actually recreate right now. I want to be taking leave to recreate.
It’s an example of the extra shit you have to put up with as disabled/chronically ill. The leave provisions in life aren’t calculated for lower energy and higher recovery needs.
