I’ve never understood a linear experience of life. Specifically, income. Mine has gone up and down my entire life and the thought of it increasing slowly over time is a fantasy from another era. In 2022 I had one of the highest paying jobs I’ve ever had and now in 2023 I’ve got one of the lowest. I could probably find a way to link this to all my finance and planning posts and how the industry is full of obvious mistakes, but that’s not really what I’m here for.
When Too Much Need Makes Want
What do I really mean by that? Well 2023 has meant cobbling together an income in a way I never have before. It means that spending money has had to be forcibly on need, with no wants. I feel guilty when I buy a block of Rolo on sale because that’s a want and not a need.
And then I also get angry. Angry that my income is low only because of discrimination. Angry that people don’t like you expressing anger because it’s “bad”.
And then I want to rebel. I want to do something ridiculous like purchase something I don’t need, and barely even want. Like a Freewrite. I definitely don’t need that. I can barely leave my house. I have my laptop in arms reach at most times. But I want to want one. I want to want one. I want the freedom to want one. I want to spend $741 without thinking of the consequences.
I also would like to believe I’m anti capitalist. Not sure how that fits in with the above want to want. Or the paragraph at the bottom of this post where I talk about how much money I need to earn. I’m not saying these aren’t contradictory thoughts. But I don’t believe in sharing things only when they’re wrapped up nicely in a bow and can be packaged as a {insert vomit} thought leader post. I’d never share anything if I waited until things worked out.
Maybe the point is just that extremes of either want or need are not a good life experience.
