Zen

I’m not a zen person. Ben thinks this quote from Community* is me:

“I’m not a relaxed person Britta. I think ahead. I prepare.”

He might be correct. I stopped to think if I had been like this before the stressed of the past 4-5 years, but I couldn’t remember. I don’t think I’ve ever been overly relaxed, but the past few years have probably been my most stressed, with contract work, busy jobs and uncertain health/random illnesses – mostly on the part of my dog and husband. Actually, my health hasn’t been the same since I had glandular fever in 2008. It’s only since then that I’ve put on weight.

 

Around two weeks ago, I woke up after a late night at home. Possibly drinking. I wasn’t hungover (I’ve never had a hangover) but I was tired from being up late and not behaving healthily.

 

And I was calm. Zen.

 

 

The creepiest part is that I have stayed calm ever since. I keep expecting it to end. I know talking about it makes it seem like I’m anxious that I’m calm, so in actual fact not calm at all, but I am calm. I am having these thoughts, sure, but I’m not worried about them. They’re just interesting thoughts rather than something to worry about.

 

Have I had some kind of low-level but ongoing anxiety or stress disorder because of the major hassles the past few years, but working part time was all I needed to ‘reset’ my brain? I feel that the timing is too good for this to be unrelated to the fact I’m working part time.

 

I’m suddenly cooking more. Making more things from scratch. Because I have the time. Trying more things. I’m sitting down with cups of green tea and honey and enjoying them. I’m drinking green tea as I type this!

 

I have a lot of work to do on my new blog/business, but I’m not trying to do it all RIGHT NOW. I’m doing everything I can behind the scenes, prepping content, until I can afford a few things to get it live. Taking things at an appropriate pace is a huge step for me.

 

Have you ever swapped from full time to part time work and felt like this?

 

Is this what being normal is like? <– That is an honest question, if you can answer it. It’s not rhetorical!

*I don’t own Community. Copyright to someone who’s not me & used only to illustrate a point.