I think I’ve found a whole new way of getting ideas to give sarcastic advice.
(Sadly the original posts have been removed, but there is copy/pasted text below.)
Posted by Detox, AntiVax and Woo Insanity on Tuesday, 20 February 2018
So I decided to put a few drops of aged urine into my eyes and they went really bloodshot. It didn’t sting or anything. My left eye got what looks like a burst blood vessel after. So I rinsed them out with fresh urine. Now I keep getting a little blob of pus in the corner of my left eye. Is this normal? My aged urine is about 9 days old and it had floaty things in it.
To be fair, urine totally does* make for an attractive liquid to pour into your eyes.
What these people are getting wrong (apart from clearly fucking everything) is that it matters more what you ingest to create the urine first.
- If you’ve been drinking cordial, then your urine will be full of sugar, which means your eyes will be excited and can see in additional dimensions. Use this for when you need to pull an all nighter.
- If you’ve been drinking red wine, then you will gain powers to be an unbelievable wanker who uses words such as bouquet without any sense of irony (or any sense that you are a wanker).
- If you’ve been drinking energy drinks, your eyeballs have probably run a full marathon without you.
- If you’ve been drinking milk, your eyeballs will grow strong and healthy bones.
- If you’ve been drinking urine, pour it in your eyes, let it run down your face, drink it, pour it in your eyes, let it run down your face, drink it.
But put it in a mason jar first.