Disclaimer: this post is 100% not sponsored and I haven’t even looked at the relevant website relating to the car. Partly because I’m writing this on a train without wifi and with a few 3/4G black spots, but mostly because it would take away the fun of writing nonsense if I got distracted by real features.
Parents, I have news for you. I was listening to the radio on my way to work and a car has come out that is apparently so advanced it very non specific ways that it makes parenting look easy.
Parenting Is Now Easy
It didn’t explain how this was possible, so I decided to put my valuable non parenting two cents into the mix with an assumption of features:
1) Vomit Proof Backseat
This doesn’t mean “easy to wipe off when your kids vomits”. I think it literally means that your kids will be unable to physically vomit when they’re in the car. Who cares if their bodies are trying to expel some foreign object or virus using nature? No siree! Keep it in at all costs.
2) You will look amazing
Yep, if there’s one thing parents tell non parents it’s how tired they are. Heaven forbid if a non parent is tired or has insomnia. I think this car will have an amazing type of tint over it that acts like a layer of foundation for the adults in the car – covers dark circles, evens out your complexion and whatever else make up is supposed to do (can you tell I don’t wear it?).
3) Kids will suddenly behave perfectly
Yep, now this car is worth it for this feature alone. Kids will no longer have meltdowns because they’re tired or hungry or because you asked them how they were doing.
Nope. Within an instant of sitting in this car, you child/children will basically become adults (only with better manners than most adults) who happily sit quietly and still for the entire car ride. Even if you decide to drive to Perth. From Cairns. That’s a guarantee.
Now, as a non parent I thought it was amazing that a company has put so much effort into a car that makes parenting look easy. But it doesn’t really help me. And I want it all to be about me. The real question I have is if these benefits apply for dog owners. Is there some sort of equivalent between dogs and kids in this cars design?
Frankly dogs and toddlers have a lot in common from what time I’ve spent around toddlers – mostly that they understand every word you say, do the opposite constantly and like to stick strange things in their mouth that you have to extract later.
If I buy this car:
- Will my dog stop whining when we’re parked at the traffic lights across from the dog park?
- Does it cure her type 1 diabetes (while she’s in the car only) so we don’t have to take food to the dog park in case she has a blood sugar low?
- Will she stop pulling bandages off her leg whiles she’s on her way back from he vet?
Volvo; you’ve got a lot of questions to answer!!
What feature do you think a car should have to make parenting easier?