The other week, I was having a discussion with a friend about apologies. More specifically, “apologies”. Aka fake ones. Aka “sorry YOU were offended” types. I said that I would rather people didn’t fake being sorry as that is more … painful, patronising… you choose the adjective that suits!
The Three Main Types Of Apologies (And What You’re Really Saying)
“I was a dick, I recognise that, I’m truly sorry and will look at my behaviour.”
These apologies are, wait for it, genuine. The person knows they did something wrong. They don’t want to do it again. They really are sorry that they caused you pain.
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“Sorry YOU were offended.”
These are the worst, in my book. This is what I hear: “I don’t want to talk about this anymore even though deep (deep) down I know I was being a dickhead but I can’t acknowledge I have flaws so if I say sorry and you won’t forgive me and drop it then I’ve done the shallow and faux socially acceptable thing and I can make YOU look like a dick so no one sees I’m one”.
I read these as “I know I was a dick and I don’t care”. In a way, I respect these more than the fake apologies. At least these people are just a dick, not a lying dick. One less bad trait.
How do you view apologies? Do you think there are more types, or do these three cover a large majority?